


Flowering ; Overpowering

by SilverFliesInBlueSugar



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Complicated Relationships, Confessions, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Hiding Medical Issues, Hospitalization, Near Death Experiences, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2020-05-15 15:48:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19298842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverFliesInBlueSugar/pseuds/SilverFliesInBlueSugar
Summary: And yet... She thought of him. Of Gabriel. Of his determination to save his wife, of his extremely rare soft smiles, of his nods and affirmations and compliments and stiff yet purposeful embraces, and suddenly, desperately, she didn't want to stop loving him.She didn't know what to do.Nathalie Sancoeur, for perhaps the first time since her teens, was truly scared.





	1. Chapter 1

It started with a sore throat.

She hadn't thought much of it. A virus had been going around after all, and the flu and strepthroat had been increasing. So she had chalked it up to that and ignored it, save for taking some medicine.

Then it grew worse. And it coincided with when she saw Gabriel. Which was especially inconvenient, considering that he was her boss and she needed to at least greet him once a day.

She began to taste blood in her throat, and as if something was blocking her airways. But she had been distracted and it wasn't as if it was THAT horrid.

And then she coughed up a petal. Then another. And another.

Apon analysis, it was easy to find what they were. Small though they were, they were coloured distinctly, and had well known meanings. All from a chrysanthemum, they were red, yellow and white. Red for passion, yellow for sorrowful and neglected love, and white for loyalty and devotion.

She knew the meanings. She knew of hanahaki. Yet she refused to believe it.

Every member of the Agreste family household had gotten Hanahaki at some point, to varying degrees. After Emilie's stasis, Gabriel began to cough up the petals of a red spider lily, which Nathalie noted to mean the guiding of the dead to a reincarnation. Very appropos to his intent. His hanahaki was only due to her literal inability to return his feelings at that time, her prolonged lack of consciousness triggering it when it really shouldn't. A strange and unusual case.

It was extremely mild for him though. He carried around a silken hankerchief to hold the petals until he could bin them just in case he felt it, but she very rarely saw him cough up more than a few a week, and only several times a day on meaningful days for himself and Emily. Such days had been becoming fewer and farther between. In fact, she swore the last time had been almost a month ago.

Adrien had also been seen coughing up petals, though his case also seemed mild. Petals of a forsynthia flower had fell from his lips, symbolic of anticipation. Adrien was waiting on someone, it seemed. He very rarely coughed them up though, and they tended to come with a bad mood.

A girl Nathalie had met before, Marinette, had quite a bad case of Hanahaki, though not seemingly too damaging. She had been spotted multiple times coughing up several petals of the yellow acacia; symbolic of a great friendship and a hidden love. Nathalie felt a little bad for her. Adrien was so agonisingly oblivious. It ran in the family.

But witnessing all of those circumstances hadn't prepared Nathalie for how severe her own case was. Generally, in hanahaki, the stronger and more hopeless the feelings felt to the one afflicted, the more severe the disease would become, and as the days progressed and she began to cough up by the hour, blood staining her hankerchief, she knew this was a case of it that could easily turn deadly.

To his credit, the doctor she turned to was straightforward and honest. "Without treatment, you have likely about two months to live until the flowering completely fills your lungs and suffocates you" he told her gravely. "The only way to circumvent this is through surgery and removal, but that will remove the romantic feelings for this person along with, and has a moderate chance of total apathy. You may never be able to feel again"

She had nodded, thanked him, and left. Standing outside of the room she had suddenly felt the realization crash into her, and had to struggle to contain her emotion as she hurried back to her car.

The moment her front door shut she took in a shuddering breath, clutching at herself.

She could die, or she could become completely numb to life, like a robot. She admitted she was practically already one in her purpose and methods, but she didn't truly feel that way _inside._ Internally, her emotions were strong and on an unstable spectrum. She didn't want to break herself to fix herself.

And yet... She thought of _him_. Of Gabriel. Of his determination to save his wife, of his extremely rare soft smiles, of his nods and affirmations and compliments and stiff yet purposeful embraces, and suddenly, desperately, she didn't want to stop loving him.

She didn't know what to do.

Nathalie Sancoeur, for perhaps the first time since her teens, was truly scared.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for A LOT OF BLOOD

Her pocket was full of petals. And then it overflowed.

Small chromatic shapes fell to the floor when she tried to push a pen into her pocket, like morbid confetti, speckled with blood and spit. It was beautiful in an awful sort of way.

She spent a lot of her work time cleaning up after herself. She really didn't want Gabriel or Adrien to find out. If she was merely coughing up petals she could make up a story about a fling and they would likely believe her, but the blood and the frequency of her fits indicated clear as day to anyone who saw just how intense her emotions for her beloved were, and questions would begin to be asked. Especially since her life was now on a time limit. She couldn't handle it if Gabriel asked her who this was for.

At least the coughing itself could be brushed off. After all, she was already doing that due to her use of the broken peacock miraculous. So long as she hid the petals well, and disposed of them quickly, Gabriel would assume it was her miraculous causing her pain. 

...Was that even much better, though? She would end up worrying him either way.

But she supposed it was better than being forced to admit her feelings to him.

She was also growing more sympathetic for Marinette-Dupain Cheng as the days stretched on.

She had come across the girl in the street, and watched with a sick feeling in her chest as the young girl doubled over in pain suddenly, coughing and hacking until an entire flower fell from her lips, spotted with blood.

The small yellow flower was beautiful, but what it signalled wasn't.

When she offered the girl some of her own pain medication and asked why it had increased so sharply, Marinette had broken down entirely, sobbing as she admitted that her feelings were becoming painful, and that she was certain Adrien would never love her.

Nathalie had to lead the hysterical teen to an outdoor càfe table, sitting her down and calmly talking it over with her, assuring her and pointing several things out. By the end of it, Marinette's full-body shaking had just become a tremor in her hand, and when she coughed again, only a few flowers fell. No blood.

It was slightly surreal to look back on that day later and realize that she may have saved Marinette's life by simply telling her not to give up hope.

She rather wished she could do the same for herself. But no matter how much she tried to think positively, or imagine a future with Gabriel, it all crumbled in her mind under the painful blade of logic.

She was going to suffer an unrequited love until she died. Which was very soon. By her estimate, she would be dead in the next 3-4 weeks.

It was a numbing thought, knowing you were going to die, and that there was no way to avoid it. That you would suffer in your last moments, alone and miserable.

Thoughts like that found her coughing into the sink, knuckles turning white from how hard she clutched the porcelain surface, the entire basin stained red after mere minutes, pretty petals washing down the sink with the crimson. The tap had to be washed too; she had touched it with her stained fingers, and it was smeared with red.

\---

They were bound to notice eventually.

As she was escorting Adrien back home, (He had decided to sneak out again. He was becoming more rebellious as of late) she felt the familiar pain in her chest, and her eyes widened, hoping that it wouldn't happen here. Not in front of Adrien. Not out in public, not now-

Her knees buckled under the pain as she gagged, chest contracting with the force of her coughs. She could hear Adrien's panicked voice somewhere, but every sound seemed to muddle into a jumbled cacophony of noise that she couldn't hope to unravel and understand. The shouting of passerby, the sound of cars, and the first few drops of rain all went ignored as she gasped for breath, feeling her throat fill up with blood, the liquid thick and sticky and disgusting, before she expelled it onto the pavement beneath her, petals fluttering to the ground.

Adrien, shaking in horror and worry, noticed the Gorilla nearby next to his car, and flagged him over, watching the large man rush over with an urgency on his face that Adrien rarely saw.

"W-what's closer, home or the hospital?" the blonde boy cried, feeling completely helpless. Nathalie seemed to react to that, shaking her head even as she struggled to breathe. "No, i don't need-" she trembled, trying to hold back the next onslaught of pain. "I've already been to a doctor. There's nothing that can be-" she couldn't hold the cough back then.

"Then we should go home. Please drive as fast as you can!" Adrien pleaded his bodyguard, who nodded with a rough grunt, helping him get the shaking woman into the car.

As the Gorilla drove at a speed that was likely breaking several speed limits, Adrien fiddled for a hankerchief, handing it to her. She smiled gratefully at him, before it was wiped off her face by another round. Tears welled up in her eyes from the pain. Never before had it been this bad.

When they finally got back, Gabriel was clearly more than a little shocked to see his bodyguard and son helping his personal assistant walk inside his home, crimson staining the front of her blazer and more of it dripping from her lips.

The moment she saw him, she broke into another cough.

They rushed to bring her to a spare room, lying her down. Gabriel felt himself dissociate slightly as memories flooded him of lying his wife down, and feeling just as much horror then as he did now. But at least Emilie hadn't _vomited blood._

Adrien had ended up with blood on his own clothes from helping her, and Gabriel sharply told him to get changed and have a shower. He meekly protested before acquiescing, stumbling out with tears running down his face. The Gorilla left to clean the car.

Gabriel felt like he might throw up as he helped her take off her blazer. It was soaked through with red.

"Is this... Because of the miraculous?" he breathed in disbelief, and frowned when she shook her head. "N-not entirely" she gasped.

"Then what is this?"

"It's nothing" she managed, trying to sit up before collapsing, shaking. His eyes widened, incredulous. "It is very clearly NOT nothing; you are soaked with your own blood and can barely speak! What the hell is happening?"

His question was answered, not by a verbal response, but by a petal dropping onto the blanket.

He was speechless.

She stared at the petal dizzily, expression blank, before she turned away.

"It's-" she hacked. "It's probably this bad because of the miraculous's sickness. It must have boosted it. I don't think that- that it's normally this extreme. Even at this stage." she closed her eyes to avoid seeing his expression.

There was silence for a moment before he responded.

"Who? Who is-?"

She laughed, a small, broken, humourless sound. "You don't know? Even with your miraculous sensing my emotions, you still don't know?"

He sighed, weary, and felt his eyes burning. "I like to think that I'm not always the direct cause of everyone's pain. But it seems i can't stew in denial" he rested his hand atop hers. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine" she murmered, closing her eyes. "It's not your fault you can't reciprocate. It's my fault for becoming so attached."

He opened his mouth to argue, but she just shook her head.

They sat in silence for almost an hour.


	3. Chapter 3

"Kitty? Are you okay?" Ladybug asked quietly on their patrol that night, brushing away her fringe to pin him with a worried look. He tensed up at her question, fists clenching.

"I'm fine, m'lady" he said quietly, turning away. "But thank you for worrying"

Her eyes narrowed even as the concerned look deepened. "Oh come on Chat, i know you better than that. You can tell me if something is bothering you. You always can"

He hesitated before sighing, the tension leaving him, taut muscles loosening as his body slumped in emotional exhusation. It would probably feel good to tell someone.

"It's this person i know. In my civilian life. She's..." he winced. "She's dying. And i can't do anything to help her."

Ladybug's eyes widened, hands coming up to cover her mouth. "Oh god. I'm so sorry, Chat. If... If i may ask, what's-?"

"Hanahaki" he murmered, clenching his eyes shut. "She fell in love and now it's killing her. And i think i know who it is she likes. But... The person she likes. He's married."

Ladybug felt like she had been punched in the stomach. The sickness inside of her seemed to burn. She remembered the agony she had been in when she had had that particularly bad episode, breaking down in public and being comforted by Adrien's caretaker. But hers hadn't lasted much longer than an hour. She couldn't imagine suffering it for longer.

"That's horrible. I'm..." she was lost for words, so instead she pulled him into a hug. He broke down in her arms, body shaking with heavy sobs. She felt her own eyes begin to sting, crying with him. Crying for him. Crying because her kitty was going through so much pain, because she herself was suffering from the same sickness, because that poor woman was dying because she fell in love with the wrong person.

Life could truly be cruel sometimes.

When he was finally out of tears, he looked exhausted. "I don't know if I'm up for patrol today"

She smiled gently. "It's alright, i can handle it for today. You can go back home"

"Thank you. So much."

"It's okay."

\---

The painkillers were helping, but not much.

She had tried a few times to ask for her tablet to work with, but had been met with adamant refusals from both Agreste's. So she was bed-bound with nothing but her personal phone.

She grimaced with pain as she slowly sat up in the bed. Her normal clothes had been exchanged for one of Gabriel's designed shirts and shorts. They were rather simple, but comfortable, and they allowed her clothes to be washed. So she didn't protest. Still, already she had stained the front slightly with her blood. 

She winced as she glanced out the window. 1am. She couldn't sleep. It hurt too much and the day had moved too quickly. Her mind was still catching up.

Suddenly, a knock came at her door. She sighed but called for them to come in. She knew who it was, anyway. And sure enough, Gabriel walked in.

"I could feel your pain through my miraculous from across the house" he explained quietly. "I wanted to check up on you. You can't sleep?"

"I'm afraid not" she shook her head, curling up slightly, arms wrapping around her knees as she shivered. The room was cold. "The pills are making this easier, but they aren't perfect"

He hummed, as if he didn't have an adequate response, and sat at the end of her bed. The look of self-recrimination and chagrin on his face gave her pause. "Sir?"

He looked out the window at the moon, glowing beautifully in the parisian sky, before turning to her. He felt his breath catch in his throat at how the soft moonlight caught her face, lighting her beautifully. His face warmed.

She raised a brow, looking faintly confused.

He jerked his head away again, feeling inexpicably like he had done something wrong. "Do you..." he pulled out a loose thread from his tie. "Would you like me to stay here? After all, i don't believe I'll fall asleep anytime soon either"

She hesitated, but nodded, a small smile appearing on her face. 

He noted how well the clothes he had picked out suited her. "I'm glad you let me choose the colour of the shirt. That shade of blue fits you"

She ducked her head to hide her flush. "Thank you, sir"

A silence.

The question weighed on his tongue. He had to ask. The urge was too strong.

"Why don't you have the sickness removed? Surely the risk is outweighed by the benefit?" he questioned carefully. She sighed, eyes averted.

"I think I've simply resigned myself at this point. The thought of being permanently apathetic terrifies me" she admitted. "But the thought of death... It doesn't scare me as much as it likely should" she bit her lip, unsure of how much to say. "I don't want to die. But I've accepted it. And i would accept it far easier than... Than not ever being able to feel again."

He buried his face in his hands. "This family is cursed, truly." he said quietly. "Everyone who has gotten close to it has ended up hurt"

She smiled wearily. "It could be quite literally cursed. After all, we know all too well that magic does exist." she looked down at her hands. They were pale and thin. Thinner than they had ever been; she looked sickly. "Though..." she closed her eyes to avoid seeing his reaction. "I wouldn't say that it was a curse that made me fall in love with you. That was... My unfortunate taste in men, it appears"

He snorted, though there wasn't much actual humour behind it. His face was grim. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to do." he felt a little like he was going to be sick. He felt like he was missing something. Like there was one more piece to a puzzle and he'd forgotten where he put it. It was strange.

They kept quietly talking until morning.

\---

The morning came, and she felt worse.

It was hard to breathe or think through the fog of pain, her body tensing up as shocks of the hellish agony wracked her.

"I have 2 weeks left to live" she mumbled into the bathroom mirror, and couldn't quite stop the sobs from breaking her. Adrien found her collapsed next to the sink surrounded by flowers, and she felt awful. She was much too weak to get up and comfort him as he cried, trying to help her stand up. Eventually he had to call in Gorilla to help her back into bed.

She couldn't keep down her food. Everything was a hazy muggy mess. Hours bled into one another. She forgot things after they happened. Her vision became worse.

She felt like she was degrading rapidly, like an old film strip that had been dropped into water and left there as the ink faded and muddled.

Sometimes she wondered if anyone outside wondered where she had gone; she did have a few distant friends. Sometimes she wondered how Adrien was getting on without her guidance. Sometimes she wondered if it would have been better if she had never been born.

Sometimes it hurt too much to think, so she just layed on her back and let the static in her head overcome her.

Gabriel felt an aching in his chest, and guilt rose in him when he looked at any images of Emilie.

He didn't understand. What was happening? His hand came up to clutch his chest, and he startled when he realized. He hadn't stopped thinking of Nathalie for days. Not a single hour had went by that he hadn't thought of her.

Two sides battled. One argued that these feelings he seemed to have were wrong. He was married and had a child that needed his mother. He had dedicated his recent years to bringing her back. To discard all of that would be...

But Nathalie. She was dying. In his arms, in his rooms, in his every waking thought, he saw her soaked in red.

Emilie was his past. But Nathalie was his present. And if he didn't say anything, neither would be his future.

And just like that, he knew.

Suddenly, shockingly. Like a bolt of lightning at the highest voltage.

_'Oh god, I've been a monumental idiot.'_


End file.
